What do you say or do when your kid is angry? Or worse: when TWO kids are angry with each other. Watch my demonstration with Laura and see how interactions with your triggered kids can be easier, and even…fun!
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Marianne van Dijk
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Marianne van Dijk2023-12-08 10:21:232023-12-08 10:23:37When NOT To Talk about Polarizing Topics
This was so amazing to watch! I want to be able to do this with my son who is four and a half years old. He is in the transition to no nap time, and has been very tired this week. When he is so tired, he becomes angry very quickly. I mentioned that he would need to shower today because he had skipped a shower the day before, and he immediately yelled “no I will not!” So I said “yes you will need to shower today” and he hit me and started spitting in my face. I got up and walked away to calm down, because I was angry and I told him I am feeling angry I am going to walk away for a few minutes but he kept following me spitting. I shut my door and when I came back he started spitting in my face again. I do not know what to do when this happens. I try to say “Are you feeling angry because you do not want to take a shower?” And he says yes but keeps hitting and spitting and I don’t know if i should hold his arms, or walk away, or what I should do. Please help!
I have read Marshall Rosenbergs book on NVC and am in the middle of reading an NVC parenting book but I’m at a loss for this situation and I feel so sad about it. This is all still very new to me.
This video is so fascinating. The pause, the presence–how it relaxes her and allows the child to be more in tune with her own feelings and thoughts rather than the adult inserting too much. I am so eager to begin this practice with my own children (4.5 and 2.5). And eager to learn more!
Thanks for this great video, I’ve been working with using nvc with my children and loving the intimacy and deeper layers of understand it brings us to. But what I find really challenging is having 2 really triggered children, I see that yes separating could be a good idea but when I try and talk to one when the other is triggered they jump in wanting to be head first, any tips for dealing with two triggered children both of whom want to be addressed first? Thanks!
Hi Sasha, I dont have an easy solution for this, different things I try are:
1) empathising with each of them wanting to be heard before saying who you will listen to first
2) not choosing one of them, but doing very quick empathy with each of them on the spot, so not separating them
3) just breathing. doing self empathy. and asking them for a solution: you both want to be heard and I can only listen to one at a time. Who has an idea what we can do?
I had a conversation with my 18 year old this week he was very triggered about future, money and leaving home. I was able to stay present with him, but afterwards I knew I had tried to solve it for him and also “should him”. This video helped show me the value of my own silence and how that can empower him in his own choices.
It also helped show me what the book Respectful Parents Respectful Kids is laying out. The visual is so important for my learning.
Thank you
wow amazing, and I enjoy reading that this is also helpful for 18 year old kids, not just the young ones..thanks for your story.
Hi Marianne,
Recently I had some training in something called unitive Justice, and that open me up to wanting to know more about communication and nonviolent communication. I am so thankful to be able to watch you work with the children. It seems to me that working with children is very similar to working with adults. Thank you I look forward to learning more.
This is fascinating. I had been looking recently at some YouTube material of Marshall Rosenberg, and then I stumbled upon one of your videos. I was awestruck and moved by the way you related to the children. Clearly you are expressing one of your gifts. I want to know more about how to do this kind of communication.
Thank you for such a clear and helpful demonstration!
Ha Marianne, het lastigst vind ik in zo’n geval om geduldig te blijven (ik zou denk ik de jongen op geïrriteerde toon naar een andere kamer zou hebben gestuurd ;-)). Daarna zou ik het moeilijk vinden om geen advies aan Laura te geven (“je kunt het beste niet op hem reageren”). Vind het erg goed dat je naar haar gevoelens blijft raden, en ‘reformuleert’. Gefeliciteerd je met 1000 subscribers! 🙂
Dankjewel Heleen!