When I was five I was envious of my friends toys. I had these tame wooden toys, given to me by my well-meaning hippy parents. My two best friends had Big Pink Plastic Barbie doll houses. With soft teeny tiny pink blankets. I had such stings of envy towards them that I plotted to steal something from their doll houses, if only one of those teeny tiny pink blankets – just to give my wooden blocks a fancy cover.
Apart from a love for pink (as you MIGHT be able to tell from my Youtube thumbnails), things have changed quite a bit for me. First of all: i’m no longer considering stealing Barbie accessories. Secondly, the envy itself. Now it’s not that Im never ever feeling envious. I believe it’s part of being human. But with Nonviolent Communication and a few other tools I’m able to move through it super fast. One thing that I learned to keep in mind, is that the envy is never directly about the Barbie doll house that the other has. Or the real life mansion. Or the looks they have. Or the kick-ass business they built.
I’m sharing with you what it IS really about, and 3 ways to move through envy and jealousy super easily, in my Ultimate Guide to dealing with Jealousy. I call it ‘jealousy’ in this title because that is what most of you search for, but there is a difference between jealousy and envy and a different solution – I will share this in the video as well.
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Hi Marianne, from Texas. I have an NVC practice group and I love incorporating your videos, thank you for making them. I never considered speaking to the person I am jealous of about my feelings. I was surprised when you said it! I see that this type of honesty would deepen the connection with the person I admire. I will be glad for the reminder now when I feel jealously, to look for my deeper needs.
Just realized that I do have jealousies! Glad for the tip to look for my needs manifesting in other people.
Excellent and useful tools, as always! Good job! PLEASE keep putting these videos out there.
My own experience is that making a distinction between envy and jealously is useful. Jealousy ALWAYS involves another person and relationship. I am jealous of someone who has a good marriage, healthy child, and maybe is getting some attention from my partner. Envy is all about stuff: money, success, big house, fancy car. The underlying needs that have to be met are different, so good up front to distinguish! And of course relationships are the more important piece, so easier in many ways to let go of envy…
Differentiations between Jealousy and envy great help in discovery of what c an be…