What if someone does not want to continue a conversation with you?
Very nice to know NVC, but kind of hard when someone doesn’t want to speak with you..right?
Wrong! The solution to this is pretty easy, and I’m gonna share it with you in my next video!



Get the Need Sheet that I’m talking about here: click here

Get my Tough Talk Preparation Sheet: click here

Give your reaction in the comment section underneath!

18 replies
  1. Laurie says:

    This video and the worksheet came into my life at a time when I may be losing a very good friend. After an argument, I time to look at my own behavior, and then I wrote drafts of what I wanted to say, and what I wanted to ask. The friend has withdrawn from me, though I saw in a group of friends last week and she was cordial. I was JUST thinking about this on my way home from the grocery store, thinking I would reach out to her, and kind of drafting in my head how to start. Now all of my drafts can go out the window because this is the way. Marianne, you and NVC are great. Thank you so much.

    • Marianne van Dijk says:

      Wow Laurie thanks so much, it’s touching for me to read that this has such an impact on you. Thanks for sharing!

  2. coni papin says:

    Once again I am appreciating the grounding of how to start a conversation. The NVC tools are incredible and I want to share them with the world. Your experience with Them is so useful in my everyday life. Ease being one of my core needs gets met more than not, now. HIP HIP HURRAY!!!!!

  3. Daniel and Delphine says:

    Thanks again for another video that we really love, these examples make things so much more concrete and realistic 🙂 By the way we have noticed a remarkable evolution in your English vocabulary and grammar over the past 2 years! 🙂

    • Marianne van Dijk says:

      OMG I’m soooo thrilled to hear this appreciation for my English! I think I’m actually going to share this on Social Media because I’m proud 🙂

  4. Judith says:

    Howdy, all! Suggestions, please. I am helping my daughter communicate to her brother how disappointed, dismayed & cross she was/is with many aspects of a birthday reunion they had together with another sibling over a few days in France. She delivered her email, mostly NVC, but he has only vaguely replied. She would like some acknowledgement of what occurred during their time together & an apology to her partner. How to go about this? Got few pointers fro the video.

  5. Paula says:

    It was enlightening to hear what you had to say Marianne. Thanks! This is exactly what I wanted to hear from someone I am shut down from at the moment. However, this is not what he is doing. He keeps sending messages with religious content that he claims to be sending to everyone on a list including me. I continue to shut down on him by not opening any of his messages on what’s up. I have 25 unopened messages, mostly religious. this might sound mean, but it gives me pleasure shutting him down this way. This person was sending me religious messages non stop, when I had already told him I was not comfortable with it and asked him to stop. I am not sure what to do because I do not want to be in a relationship where a person is constantly making me feel bad because of my believes while at the same time dumping his religious stuff on me. This person is a relative, it makes things harder.

    • Marianne van Dijk says:

      Hi Paula, what is your question exactly, how to deal with a relative that you are doubting whether you want to stay in contact with?

  6. Sarah says:

    This is the question I have been waiting for, for about 10 years and what started me off learning NVC! So a big thank you for this video.

    1. Having said that, with me, the person wants no communication at all (Don’t contact me any more). So, yes, in making the guesses they may be either angry that I am trying to have a conversation, or, in the case of my family they say “stop analysing me” to my guesses! Having said all of this, I haven’t specifically tried your guesses about wanting safety and being scared of being judged.

    This scenario has happened over the years with about 6 friends or my sisters suddenly cutting off our friendship! (I am nice, honestly). Most of them have since wanted to be friends again, although I am not so keen, because I don’t feel safe.

    2. I would love to see more on this topic, especially when a person has asked you not to contact them! Or, as one X-friend did: he would say something critical in a text and then tell me I had to honour his need and not reply. (which of course is a strategy not a need). If they are scared that they will be judged, I think those who have asked me not to speak to them are likely to say “yes because you always…..”.

    In the case of my family, again, it is likely to be “yes because you always analyse what I am feeling”. Phew…. I can feel myself getting wound up sitting on my own, thinking about the pain of hearing their thoughts about me! A lot of healing is needed before I can stay calm with the full on criticism.

    I would love you to record a role play with someone. Either someone in my position who could role play a jackal who doesn’t want to be contacted. Or with someone like Klara Koncelikova above. Would you do that?
    thanks, Sarah

    • Marianne van Dijk says:

      Hi Sarah, thanks for your suggestion! It was already in my planning to also make a video about when someone does not want contact at all, happy to hear it might contribute to you. I dont know yet when I will make this video, but it’s definitely on my list!

  7. Chris Colarusso says:

    Can you please talk about how to deal with this question when it is a Parent trying to maintain a relationship with their child who is a young adult and moving out into their own home?

    • Marianne van Dijk says:

      Hi Chris, thanks for your topic suggestion, I like the idea. I have to say Im not an expert on young adults (meaning I dont have experience with doing NVC with them), but I still like the suggestion, I’ll let it sink in and who knows I might do something with them in the future.

  8. Chris Colarusso says:

    Can you talk about how to deal with this question when it is a Parent trying to maintain a relationship with their child who is a young adult and moving out into their own home?

    • Shobha says:

      This video took me back to a past experience where this person choose to completely shut down communication. Also, followed by a desire to connect using your easy solution, which I feel is not so easy in certain condition. Not easy because, when one is really sad and angry, it is difficult to speak connecting language, doesn’t matter how much one desire to do so. To practice NVC one needs to be emotionally stable first. This stability is prerequisite to rise above judgement, blaming and shaming. Isnt?

    • Klara Koncelikova says:

      Thank you Marianne. I am often the one who doesn’t want to talk and your video helped me understand why that might be and how to communicate it to my partner. 🙂

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