Hi Marianne, I have previously had a really successful press pause with my husband – he stood there while I did some powerful self empathy and afterwards I expressed genuine appreciation for him holding space by pausing as it was deeply helpful to me. He felt great with the appreciation so it was a great win-win. I don’t remember the exact way I asked for it but I have been noticing a pattern in me which I wonder whether might be in you – which is when expressing the request – the subtle difference between asking in a way that sounds like I am asking for permission – I have recently concluded that this has contributed to my shifting the power to the other person ie giving my power away or making their choice more important than my own or a win lose situation either way. This has fed into my not mattering as much dynamic and low sense of worth and choice. Instead, I believe I need to practice being more assertive by including myself first more often, something like ” I would really love a pause at this point, so that I can process and stay connected with you, would that work for you too?” or “I would be so helped to have a pause right now, could you hold on for a few moments? ” so I am bringing my need in. Does this make sense?

Sometimes you may want to have a conversation where there is a respectful exchange of observations in which feelings and needs are expressed with a common need for both parties to speak honestly and be heard. The objective is not to persuade the other to your own point of view, but to use the language of NVC to learn more about one another. In that sense, I think there can certainly be NVC conversations where one concludes with agreeing to disagree and hopefully with a fuller understanding of the feelings and needs behind the different opinions.

Happy to hear about your insight Deetoo!

Thank you Coni!